suicide is NOT painless

I really want to do a post about chrismas, and post up the million pictures i got, but thats not whats on my mind.          

A few days before christmas, one of my best friends  witnessed her father in law commit suicide.
I wont put all the details in here, because no one else needs the mental pictures I have.
My  Christmas was tainted by shorty (yes thats what we called him)  killing himself.     
I faked christmas spirit pretty well for the kids, but deep down I really wanted to just go curl up and cry.  unfortunatly when i had the chance to do just that,  the tears wouldnt come.  
How could he do that?    right before christmas?    with her home?          Yes, he was a PTSD inflicted old man on medication, but its not like he couldnt think properly.     If you can leave a note saying your sorry, you should be able to realize that you will be traumatizing your daughter in law  to the point she cant sleep at night and is afraid to go out in her own pasture alone.              

Once upon a time in a different life,  I thought about it myself but I couldnt do it.   Thinking about how my mother would feel,  visualizing the scene, I just couldnt.        

I dont understand  how anyone could be so selfish!!  

All I can do is be the normal that she needs right now,  not money grubbing relatives who just want to know if he left them any money in his suicide note,  or someone wierd who doesnt know what to say so they dont say anything.   

I think my next post will be a nice happy one with christmas pictures, I just needed to get all that out of the way first.

"Friday" morning

Thanks to fall break, my week of watching Susie ended two days early!          Sarge didn't have to be at school till 9:30, so there was no reason for anyone to get up at six, or six thirty!    We enjoyed a late night family jam session on guitar hero, so the kiddos let us sleep in till 8!
We were all (including the cats)  cuddled up in the big bed, and sarge brings up breakfast.   " Belle  what do YOU want for breakfast??"   (im thinking -oh you!!      don't ask a three year old what they want!    you tell them what they can have!!)     Belle-  I want biscuits!!      Sarge- biscuits?  huh?    what do you say mom?
(his evil plan is becoming clear....)     Me-  oh, i would have to dig out that recipe.    ( no processed biscuits for us since i started insisting on whole wheat flour)        
Sarge-   wellll....   I was thinking something i could just pick up....     Me- you want doughnuts don't you!
 Sarge- It would be nice and easy!       Me-  ohh alright!!    (Sarge checks my pulse, and makes sure im not running a delirious fever)    

        Belle- NO!  i want biscuits daddy!        Sarge- (afraid his plan is backfiring) oh, Belle, don't you remember what doughnuts are??        there like biscuits, with sugar on them!    and a hole in the middle!

Needless to say, we had doughnuts for breakfast.

   
And In  an early morning sugar high Calvin decided to dance on the table, and narrowly avoided injury when he toppled off, because of super mommy's reflexes.       Speaking of super...       As long as breakfast is junk, why not watch a movie this morning and just make it a really fun day?     Belle thought that was fabulous, and  she took about 5 minutes to pick a movie.  The whole time,  I was thinking and willing in my head-  NOT the Incredibles...  NOT the Incredibles.....  please...      "mommy!   i wanna watch the credibles!!"          It seems like any time I let her watch a movie these days, usually afternoon, when school is done and Calvin and Susie are napping and i need her to be quiet,  and I end up listening to a book with earphones so I  don't have to hear it again.        

Sarge and I are listening to the same book,   Stephen  Kings   11-22-63 .  Im not usually a big Stephen king fan, but this book has me hooked!!    

Im gonna go listen to it right now, while i clean up junk cause the exterminator is coming for his regular spray and prevent evil bugs thing.

Warm dishes!

This morning I had the most enjoyable experience of removing warm dishes from the dishwasher and  putting them away.         Our dishwasher has been sitting in its specially made hole (done by a talented carpenter friend for free)   for over six months, while I hand wash dishes and look down and dream about dishwashers that work.         This brand new dishwasher was bought at a sears sale for 30% off with some money my in-laws gave us for the house.  Being determined not to go into debt fixing up our house, we decided to only do things as we could afford them.      So we ran the electrical line ourselves, it took both sarge and I  to do this tedious task, and we learned ALOT during the process.   I  know a plumber very well, and we saved up the money to have him come do the plumbing hookup, but he refused any money!    so we called another friend who is an electrician, and paid him 100 $ and two slices of my homemade bread  to do  the actual hooking up of the electricity.    
The whole house feels different without one counter constantly being taken up by drying dishes and I am one happy house wife!!!
Calvin started talking,  though he usually uses his new verbal skills to say BOO!   and QUACK!
His little personality is blooming quickly, and it still amazes me that he can be all over the place climbing on  the furniture (including bar and table) and in general acting like a human tornado one minute, and the next minute he sneaks out the back door, climbs into the porch swing, and sways calmly for quite a while.

Belle is really advancing in her school work, and I enjoy being able to teach her.
Tonight she asked to read a book called "the European challenge"   and our bed time story turned into half an hours worth of conversation about De soto and Indians.   It had some graphic pictures, like explorers torturing Indians and such.   hopefully I wont end up with a scared three year old in my bed tonight..
She also learned how to tell whose who.   explorers have clothes, Indians don't .


We have changed our dog situation again.     Our beagle was driving us crazy.  she chewed everything in the backyard- belles trampoline, her trike, our porch swing, you name it, she ate it.     and dug craters.    and ate tomato plants.         We had a neighbor who had been drooling over her, so with fair warning about her bad habits, they took her.    Not long after that, a starving little hound dog showed up on our porch, and we fattened him up and found him a home.          Then we just had Bob, and he gets lonely by himself, so we needed another dog.    I swore to Sarge that we were not getting another puppy.   ever.   for a very very long time!.     Fortunately i have a very flaky  sister in law, who gets a dog and a few years later decided all the sudden that she doesn't want it, for no other reason than it played with another dog and they got  in her way.        When Jake the miniature Aussie was attacked by a wild animal and almost had his throat slit open, it was the last straw.        They paid the vet bill and nursed him back to health, but  we got a three hundred dollar dog for free!   Shiloh adores him, and he likes to play in the sand box with her.    Both dogs follow her around the yard, so I feel pretty good about her playing by herself.
I must go to bed, have to get up early tomorrow, its a school day so Susie is coming  in the morning .

School time!

Finally have some time to sit down and type!       We have all  been adjusting to the school year (which started the 16th)    its a new normal for us now, along with my niece Suzy  coming to stay with us in the day time instead of going to day care and  getting staph infections,  Sarge Is going to college full time, AND working full time.   Our new schedule is crazy, and involves Sarge coming home from work, throwing on some different clothes and running out the door(as i throw his lunch or dinner ( some days both) at him so he can drive the 40 minutes to the college hes going to.    So the kids and I are spending alot of time doing stuff and not thinking about daddy being gone all the time :)            
]The kids are adjusting well to having Suzy around again, and I splurged and got a car seat for her, so i WONT be stuck around the house all day like I was last year.    As long as I get out of the house with them at least every few days, I don't think Ill go bananas...    

 

the newest edition to our growing zoo- a mini Aussie named Jake :) 

Isaac declared his big thirteen month self old enough to go down the big slide  solo.   

Theres a pasture full of horses next to the city park!

duck herding!

They were determined to pet the ducks. 

going down the slide!

His way of getting down  included falling on his booty every time!

      

A. T.

We are almost at the halfway point for Annual Training this year.    That's when reserve soldiers go to the other side of the country and pretend they are in Afghanistan for three weeks.

After dealing with a real deployment, it doesn't bother me at all.    oh, your leaving for three weeks?   to go to Wisconsin?   well, don't let any of those dairy cows or chipmunks  infiltrate the perimeter   

The kids on the other hand, miss him like crazy.       And I found out the hard way, if we just hang around the house and do things like usual,   they cry and whine and sob and throw fits and act like not my kids at ALL.

So I have been doing my best to keep them occupied-

chilling in our pool. much smaller than cousins. but still fun!

chilling at cousins pool

that's a really big wooden bear!

Going to museums

eating out (which we can do dirt cheap with just the three of us!)

going to the park

there is a soldiers memorial at the park

entertaining fantasy about adopting the kitty  at the park

painting

 Shiloh runs to that soldiers memorial every time we go.   "hey its the soldier! my daddy's a soldier!"

we go to the park a lot.

  Isaac amazes me with his ability to hang on to the big swing!

 

 Isaac was all for going down the slide!

eating s'mores

They both had great fun running into each other   

watermelon with cousins

Shiloh learned to swim with just water wings!

traffic jam!

We have many more things planned, like going to the lake and taking more hikes, and i'm sure I'll post up way to many pictures of those things too..  

Every time Shiloh sees someone new, she tells them very loudly that her daddy is in misconsmum  with the shoulders(soldiers) very far away!!             Oh, and I will post about Isaac's birthday very soon..  Just been so busy having fun that I haven't been on the computer much.
We are at the point that Shiloh says "what are we gonna do today???" every morning!

break the monotony-

With some blue finger paint!!

                                             Then run outside and rinse off in the sprinkler!!!

Parenting

 
As a parent,  you will probably do more laundry in one week than you did for five years before kids.
They spit, poop, pee, drool, throw up, smear food and snot all over them and you.    To the point you may consider making some togas out of towels to wear instead of clothes.    

You must be able to feign suprise a zillion times over fingers turning black and then suddenly being normal again when the olive is eaten.      

You never thought you would get so excited by poop in the potty.  but you did.   And you were not faking.
in fact, you were doing good not to break out the confetti and champagne.

You must be able to sweep faster than the speed of light, because that's how fast babies crawl over to that tempting pile of dirt and animal hair and god knows what.

Always be calm when your in a public restroom and your potty training daughter congratulates you on pooping.  So loud they probably heard it two blocks away.

Your food is no longer yours, but has turned into the tastiest morsel in the whole house, and it must be shared.     even if they're eating cherries and your eating the mystery leftovers from the fridge.

Your bed is by far the most comfortable, sought after surface in the universe.

You may as well get use to not being greeted when you walk into a building.  People will only have eyes for your adorable children, and may not make eye contact with you for half an hour while they invade your personal bubble and blow raspberries on the stomach of the baby your holding.

If you have a fear of teeter totters like I do, you'll have to conquer it because there's no way you can tell your daughter were not going on that cause mommies scared.

You will HAVE to master the art of playing candy land while keeping the baby from eating the gingerbread men with a chaser of double purple.

Those showers you use to enjoy?    they aren't yours anymore.    even if you do have a nice husband who tries to give you time alone to bathe, your three year old has a radar and she can make it to the bathroom quicker than a baby makes it to the dirt pile.    And after you shut her out, you feel like a big heel.  until she spends ten minutes outside the door screeching like a deranged parrot.

It may defy some rules of physics, but it takes exactly 3.8 seconds for two kids to trash a room.    If there's more than two around, its kind of like the baby and the dirt pile.

Try not to run away too fast when a random stranger walks up and says "your son is so cute!! can i touch his hair?"


I could go on some more, but its nap time so I think I may just treat myself to sweeping at a normal speed...

A day without pictures

Yesterday was a big day for all of us and I didnt get one picture!
So, I will type it all out.  


Sarge's promotion went without a hitch.        I was sooo nervous!     My only part in the ceremony was to walk up when cued by the first Sgt, stand there, and put on the new rank after the Lt. took off the old.     I was holding Calvin,  but Belle decided to sit and watch.      I just KNEW one of them would start wailing, or get restless and run away from me (we were there for formation, which takes like an hour and a half)     because I had to wake the poor babes up at 5:30 !!          
But all went pretty well.   Calvin wanted to form up with all the guys, and I had to restrain him, but thank god, no wails!        After that was the company family fun day!    They rented out this waterpark-     

It had two kiddie pools, one area full of things that spray you, a big pool and a bunch of waterslides.
Calvin was in hog heaven, doing his best to swim away from me.   Until he discovered the giant turtle in the covered kiddie pool that you can climb up and slide down on your belly.  Belle was a little cranky, and didnt want to get anywhere she couldnt reach, but wanted to go on the big waterslides that unfortunatly have a height requirement..   
Its a little different going to a waterpark with the army.     After we finished, they had formation in the parking lot, and a breifing thingy about the next days orders.   

We were going to be broke for this trip, but my in-laws handed Sarge a wad of cash and said" have fun!  get the kids something!"      So we are !          After the waterpark, we came back to our cottage on Ft.( Im not putting the name on here in case your a terrorist)  ate lunch and took some serious naps.

Then we took the kids to a huge warehouse store thingy that rivals any store ive ever seen for size. 
I let Belle do her own shopping.    She was very picky, and wound up with alot of things she really wanted.      I got a few things for Calvin,   and then we went to eat at chick-fil-a .  
Little did we know, it was COW APPRECIATION DAY.   and if you come dressed up like a cow, you get free food.      We were surrounded by people in white T-shirts with jersey cow spots sharpied on.     Belle looked around with wide eyes, but didnt quite know what to say.  
Belle and I finished eating first, so I took her to the bathroom, THEN  the play area. (learned that lesson the hard way)  and she made lots of friends and played hide and go seek with them in the tunnels.    I saw some horrible parenting, and cant believe how many kids are playing their parents for all their worth.       After Calvin finished his Kids meal  (first time hes had his own!)      Sarge brought him into the play area and he ran off squealing and climbed on the toddler section,charmed some people through the floorlength window into the dining area,  then found some little boys who thought he was great, kept patting his head, and showed him how to drum on the crazy mirrors.   
When it was time to go, instead of  screaming and yelling or refusing to come down, Belle yelled out "bye bye slides, bye bye peoples, see you later!"    

It was a very full, very fun day.     I am kinda In love with my family

Home again! for the moment anyway..

So, I really missed my home.   It was nice to get away, but its even nicer to be back!
here's some good visual aids to emphasise why-

I can cook!

Belle can cuddle with her adoring kitties ( who mobbed her when we got home)

Belle can dig potatoes with me in her undies.  shes cool like that :)

mommy wook!!  its a wittle one!!

and wash them!

We can go to our city park, with the ducks and some puddles from the recent rain!

this was my cure for cabin fever yesterday.   a break in the rain long enough for us to take a trip to the park!

 I say home for the moment, because I am already packing to leave again.   This time  going a state away for Sarges promotion ceremony.     I am suppose to pin his new rank on, but I'm a little nervous..    what if i get the Sgt stripes upside down?   or the kids scream?  which is a realistic fear, since we all have to get up at 5 !!   drat the army and their early mornings.  
Its also family day, and his unit has rented a water park!  hopefully, the kids will have a chance to nap before going to the water park, so they can actually have fun and not wail the whole time in front of the commander..  that would be just grand.


Oh, and Belle  had a first.    when we were at the park, she had to pee.   and the bathroom was like a half mile away.     Since it was totally deserted, i stripped her, held her up, and she peed in the grass.        after looking at me for a moment with a look that suggested i was CRAZY for even suggesting such a thing.